Humility During the Era of Covid-19

It finally happened.

After six weeks of studying at home each day and barely leaving the house, my 16 year old had a meltdown. It was something in the vein of “I just want to leave the house, go out to a store, see my friends, get something to eat, see a movie…just be normal again!”

“There is more value in a little study of humility and in a single act of it than in all the knowledge in the world.”

— St. Teresa of Avila

This wasn’t a spoiled kid’s rant. It was a normal reaction to weeks of social restrictions.

I’ve felt this many times myself in the past month and a half. If I’m honest, I don’t like limits. I want to go to a Dunkin Donuts at any time of the day and buy a stupid cup of coffee, I want to buy a salty hamburger at McDonalds, and I want to run to WalMart for whatever! As one priest said in a homily, talking about these same issues, “I want what I want.”

Covid-19 has imposed limits on each of us. Some days, the weight feels heavy. Other days, as they blur from one to the next, feel light.

There is a grace in all of this: humility. Humility is about accepting our blessings and our limitations. It’s about being honest with what’s best in each moment. It’s about the truth.

Right now, the truth as we know it, is that we ought to stay at home as much as possible. It stinks and for many Americans, it has particular pain points. Still, it’s the container for our humility right now.

The Components of a Family Faith Curriculum

In my last post, I shared the why behind our family’s decision to create its own faith curriculum. To sum it up, we found that we simply couldn’t rely solely on our local parish or Catholic schools to provide what our kids needed. The inconsistencies in preaching, teaching and programming were just too great.

What we learned in the process is that the Church has invited us all along to make our home a “domestic church”. That is to say, we finally embraced what we were called to be all along. Our home would become the primary place of formation. This would then be complemented by our church and schools.

Covid-19 challenged us to see what we could do at home as our local churches have been closed. As a father, it’s been a wonderful opportunity for me to learn (again) what it means to be the spiritual father of our family.

“Thus the little domestic Church, like the greater Church, needs to be constantly and intensely evangelized: hence its duty regarding permanent education in the faith…the family, like the Church, ought to be a place where the Gospel is transmitted and from which the Gospel radiates…the future of evangelization depends in great part on the Church of the home.”

— Saint John Paul II

As the saying goes, “necessity is the mother of invention”. I guess we’ve become more of discoverers than inventors. I look at this process as one of curation rather than creation. We’ve pieced together a loose system that works for us. Will it work for you? Probably not in its same format. You’ll need to curate for yourself. I think the key is to be intentional and tweak and adjust as you go.

The Lenses

Anyhow, back to the family faith curriculum. You’ve heard of why we created this. Today, I’ll share with you exactly what it looks like each week. Remember the lenses through which we’ve crafted this curriculum:

1. A lens of Truth, Goodness & Beauty.

2. An emphasis on classical things.

3. Variety.

4. Personal ownership.

5. A nightly practice.

6. Scripture.

The Day-by-Day Names

With these lenses in mind, my wife and I decided to then look at each day of the week and “assign” a them to each day. We also decided to brand each day, making it easy for the kids to remember our point of emphasis. Here are the days:

• Marian Monday: a focus on Mary, Marian spirituality and Marian practices

• Theological Tuesday: a focus on a classical theological concept of text

• Works of Mercy Wednesday: a focus on the importance of doing good and practicing mercy

• Thankful Thursday: a focus on Divine Mercy and gratitude

• Free Friday: typically an “open” night to do whatever feels right

• Saturday & Sunday: a focus on beauty

The Day-by-Day Activities

Now we’ll look at exactly what we do in each night’s time of prayer:

• Marian Monday: We pray the rosary. Sometimes, to mix it up, we might have a slideshow up on the tv with images of Mary, forming a sort of Visio Divina. When our kids were younger, we started out with just a decade of the rosary. Over time, we were able to cover the entire rosary.

• Theological Tuesday: On Tuesdays, I like to find some rich theological text, poem or excerpt for us to look at and discuss. This might be a poem by Chesterton, a quote from Sheen or a phrase from Augustine. This night is very profound but also brief. We might “wrap” this with everyone going around and offering prayers for others.

• Works of Mercy Wednesday: On Wednesdays, we might write to our sponsor child, call the grandparents, or write notes to people who are alone. The key is to help the kids see a world bigger than just our home and our family.

• Thankful Thursday: On Thursdays, we do things related to gratitude. This could be praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet or just going around and praying for people for whom we are thankful. The key is to emphasize gratitude to God in very specific ways.

• Free Friday: On Fridays, we typically make pizza and maybe watch a movie. Prayers are typically brief and we go with the flow.

• Saturday & Sunday: on Saturday, we’ll hand the Bible to one of the kids and invite them to find the Sunday Gospel reading. This teaches them the skill of Bible literacy. Then, we’ll talk about the upcoming Sunday’s Gospel and what it means to each of us. On Sunday, we might look at a famous icon (emphasis on beauty) and discuss its meaning.

As I’ve stated before, this is a work in progress. This framework is a starting point. It’s not meant to be so structured so that it feels tight. Rather, it frees us up to be together as a family of faith.

Listen to the Podcast >

Outstanding Guests, Practical Tips

how to Create a Family Faith Curriculum

My wife Cary and I have been married for nearly 22 years. It took little effort for us to pray at night before bed. It took a lot more work to develop a system for educating our kids in the faith.

Let me explain.

“Each family finds within itself a summons that cannot be ignored and that specifies both its dignity and responsibility: family, become what you are!”

— St. John Paul II

For many years, I’d say 10-15 or so, we relied on outside resources for teaching the faith. Catholic schools and Catholic Churches were our primary means of instruction. We saw those as the best “vehicles” for faith instruction. Our approach was simple enough- we would send our kids to Catholic schools, attend weekly Mass and then complement those with our own at-home example. Sprinkle in praying before meals and emphasizing good morals and we were done.

Except that it didn’t work.

You see, we had it all backwards. We thought that the outside structures would be enough. Over time, we found our hearts broken by the Church we love. Scandal and corruption became common. Schools closed. The clever “system” we had relied on was no longer enough. We still loved being Catholic but realized, painfully, that our Church simply could not provide all that we needed.

A Sobering Reality

And, this part is harder to admit- our kids really weren’t grabbing hold of the faith. They knew Jesus but didn’t really know Him- if you know what I mean. I started to acknowledge that if we didn’t make some adjustments, they would likely leave the Church and the faith.

For many years, Cary urged us to “do more” at home. I would deflect, pointing out others who did far less than we did. But she was right as converts often are.

It wasn’t until we moved to a new home in a new city with new parishes that we fully embraced what the Second Vatican Council meant by the family as the “domestic church” (Lumen Gentium). Then, unplanned by us, the coronavirus struck. Our new approach was all we had. Our “curriculum” is essentially a curated system for teaching our kids the faith that we love and want them to embrace.

Our Inspiration

Two resources that have been tremendously helpful are Dr. John Cuddeback’s LifeCraft website and the Messy Family Project by Alicia and Mike Hernon. John places a lot of emphasis on the role that “home” plays in faith formation, with a nod to classical concepts. Alicia and Mike take a practical approach, weaving in their experience of parenting 10 kids (!) with their faith. If you haven’t spent some time on either website, pour yourself a cup of coffee and you’ll be in for a treat.

We’ve been inspired to create our own system, not to detract from the model of our own family. I grew up Catholic and my parents provided a wonderful example to me and my two brothers. Cary grew up in a home without faith and later became Catholic. Where we live in Bethlehem, PA, there are few supports for Catholic families. No intentional Catholic communities. No charismatic prayer movements. No couples ministry. We have tons of great people and wonderful parishes but if you want to be intentional with your family, you have to be crafty. For a while, I complained about this. Now, I accept it as Fr. Thomas Judge, CM described it as the “providence of everyday life”.

The Components

Here are the components of our Family Faith Curriculum. Keep in mind that these work for us. You’ll need to try things out and make some modifications as you go. We start with lenses and in later posts I’ll detail the exact things we do each day.

1. A lens of Truth, Goodness & Beauty. Bishop Barron talks a lot about this as did Hans Urs von Balthasar. We make sure that each week, we are talking about and emphasizing topics that deal with the intellect, with justice and with art.

2. An emphasis on classical things. Whenever we can, we use original sources, obscure readings and old things.

3. Variety. Kids need this as do we as parents. Variety is key so that you don’t become stale. Variety also allows you to pivot when you feel that you need to. Variety lends to flexibility.

4. Personal ownership. We don’t want a curriculum that is passive. Rather, we want to be training our kids to know the Lord and practice the skills that are necessary for fruitful discipleship.

5. A nightly practice. We do something prayerful every night. This provides the family with an anchor they can rely on. The average night’s activity is about 15 minutes.

6. Scripture. We want our kids to be touching a Bible as often as possible and over time, learn to love Scripture.

In future posts, I’ll detail what our Family Faith Curriculum currently looks like, with detailed examples of each day’s points of emphasis. This can change from month to month but it will at least provide you with a glimpse. Then, you can take this framework and customize it to your family.

As for me and My House: a Coronavirus Response

“I think they should be practicing social distancing because even if — and I think it's still true that younger people are at much, much less risk of getting into trouble — that doesn't mean they aren't going to get infected and then they are going to infect the older people. So everybody should be taking really good care to avoid infection," said Dr. Anthony Fauci, in early March while appearing on Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace.

The context- the outbreak of the coronavirus. 

Fauci was discussing young people when he referenced “they” as he outlined the importance of social distancing. This phrase, now understood widely in America, wasn’t a part of our vernacular a few weeks ago. Now, it’s the advice of the day in order to help slow the spread of the virus.

Are people heeding his advice?

I live in Bethlehem, PA, a small city of just over 70,000. Schools shut down last week and were mandated by the governor of PA to be closed for a minimum of two weeks. When my wife asked for me to get “a few more things” at the local grocery store, I obliged. I am a good husband after all.

Thinking that the store would be filled only with its workers and maybe a few people wearing masks, I trudged out with my list. When I arrived at ShopRite, I was blown away.

The store was packed.

Not only were there a lot of people, there was clearly no desire to social distance. People were chatting. Others were on their phones doing God knows what. No one had a mask on . Only one woman had rubber gloves. A few elderly women drove around in the motorized carts, trying to reach for Wheat Thins and other items within grabbable distance.

What about the advice from Dr. Fauci? Was I the only one watching CNN, CBSnews and FoxNews?  I bought what I needed and got the heck out of the store.

From Scripture to Everyday Life

The car ride home reminded me of Joshua 24:15 which states, 

“But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

It’s not my place to judge the hundreds of others who were at the grocery store on that particular day. Maybe their spouses had sent them, like me, with a list of goods. All I know is that I’m responsible for how my family- not only in our practice of the Christian faith but in temporal things.

Things like social distancing.

For the next few weeks, we’ll be hunkering down. If we go to the store, if will be during non-peak hours. We will look for ways to find normalcy. We can do what is ours to do. How about you and your house? What is your prudent response to the virus?

A New Use for Your Rosary

It’s often this time of the year when we are encouraged to take more time for silence. More time to savor the things that matter. More time with the Lord.

But... each of these is easier said than done.

For example, savoring the things that matter. What does that mean? Is that an extra glass of wine or more time spent playing a game with my children? Is it an extra long walk on a Saturday to enjoy nature and the sound of birds?

Yes, yes and yes.

As my friend Fr. Dennis once told me, “You do what you can.” What he meant was that if we do something in response to a call to action, things will probably be ok. If we do nothing and just wait things out, we will never take action.

In other words, no savoring...

“The Holy Rosary is the storehouse of countless blessings.”

— Blessed Alan de la Roche

How about that whole silence thing? I dig the idea that we ought to take more time for silence during Advent. I actually love silence and as an introvert, nothing warms my heart more than a quiet house and a good book, read in silence. 

Still, I find it difficult. I can only imagine how my poor extroverted friends find silence. It must be terrifying! 

So here’s the cool thing about this post- I’ve finally found a way to activate my brain for silence.  The setting is often my home office where I like to have my morning quiet time. On the ledge by the window is a spot for my coffee and a pair of rosary beads.

After I go through the Angelus, the day’s Mass readings and some spiritual reading, I will do some journal writing in the DayOne app.

Then, and usually only for a few moments, I will take some time to be silent with God. Even as an introvert who loves silence, I find this difficult. A small window is all I have on most days. 

My hand will reach over for my rosary beads and instead of praying the rosary, I’ve found the simple act of holding the beads activates something in my brain.  Holding the rosary beads tells me to be still and to be silent. 

You might try this out if you find silence difficult. A pair of rosary beads in your car (or even a rosary ring in your pocket) could be used to maintain silence during a drive. Or, a pair of rosary beads next to your bed might be used to find silence right before you fall asleep at night.

None of this should take away the act of praying the rosary with the beads. Rather, see this silence-keeping as another use of the beads, complimenting your praying of the rosary.

Silence is difficult and yet as St. Teresa of Calcutta tells us, “God is the friend of silence”. Sometimes we just need a little help to get us there.

You Need Alone Time

​In this episode of Praying Well, I talk about the serious need that each of us has for alone time. Call it thinking time, time with God, or interior time- breaking from the everyday pace of life has never been more important.

The Why​ of Alone Time

Rather than filling all of your time with others or with the noise of technology, each of us needs alone time. Here are just a few of the “why’s” behind alone time:​

• Because ​our world is increasingly noisy due to social media and technology

• Because solitude is elusive​, scary and looked down upon (i.e. it’s not seen as “fun”)

• Because Jesus himself took time alone to pray ​(see Mark 1:35)

The When of Alone Time

If you’re not sure when you can actually get some alone time, try the following:​

• Early in the morning ​

• During your commute to work​

• When you are running errands​

• Late at night​

• When you are working out​

• When you are outside in nature​

I know, some of you may be saying, “Mike, you don’t understand. My days start early and end late. There is literally no down time!” This is a lie we often tell ourselves. You have 15 minutes that you can carve out for God. I do too.​

Is Alone Time Prayer Time?

This is an important question. ​Just spending time in solitude is not necessarily prayer time. For example, you could be out and about, running errands and listening to sports talk radio all the while. That’s time by yourself but probably wouldn’t constitute true alone time. 

Rather, quality alone time with God ​integrates prayer with time. For example, you need to weed your garden and you say a prayer at the start of it, thanking God for nature and the beauty of the outdoors. Then, while you are working, you are thinking of spiritual things and talking to God. This might be out loud on interiorly. The key is that you’ve “located” your time within God’s providence. It’s His time. You are participating in it. A quiet atmosphere helps. Things don’t have to be totally quiet but less noise is always a good thing.

Following Up​

You’ve read this post and you’re already thinking of the busy details of your day. Still, you want to incorporate more alone time in your schedule. What to do? I suggest scheduling your alone time with God right now. ​Is there a 15 minute block that you can pencil in and just “be” with God? Even a small window of time can be helpful.