What Not to do on a Sunday

Sundays are probably the least understood day of the week. Think about it for a moment:

• Monday- pumped up, let’s go!

• Tuesday- settling in, building momentum.

• Wednesday- hump day, sigh of relief.

• Thursday- ramp it up again and stay focused.

• Friday- breath, smile, put a bow on it.

• Saturday- sleep in, games, yard, friends, errands, relaxed.

And then there’s Sunday, sweet Sunday.

What are we to make of Sunday in 2020 and beyond? For most people, it’s just another day to go shopping, tidy up the house and maybe attend another youth sports event (yawn).

“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit.
Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset. What is anything in life compared to peace of soul?”

— St. Francis de Sales

For believers though, Sunday is entirely different from the rest of the week. I suggest we reclaim Sunday but in a new way. With the sacred elements of a “good Sunday” in tact (worship, rest, time with family and friends, recreation), I propose that we also eliminate something each Sunday.

It’s not technology although that will do you well.

Rather, Sunday ought to be a day when we pause our addiction to measuring. Measuring, as it turns out, is saturated throughout our week. Consider:

• At work: meeting agendas, performance reviews, and key performance indicators.

• At leisure: youth sports, fishing tournaments, golf tournaments, DIY video creation, and online platform analytics.

• At home: calorie consumption, ounces of water consumed, and servings of vegetables.

What if you paused all of this for one day a week? How about we declare Sunday to be a day where nothing is measured? Think about it for a second- Sunday is for savoring. It’s a day to be unmeasured.

What does that look like? How about the following:

• Taking an untimed nap

• Enjoying two cups of coffee when you would ordinarily just have one

• Not worrying about whether you are drinking enough water or not

• Not setting an alarm for wake-up time

• Taking a leisurely walk instead of hurrying to get to the next thing

Unmeasured Sundays contribute to genuine leisure. They produce in us an unhurried block of time that can connect us deeper with God. And, this counter-cultural gesture can have massive impacts on how we enjoy rest during the remainder of the week.

I’m hoping that you enjoy your next Sunday, an unmeasured day with the Lord and those you love.

Quitting Time

Cal Newport has an interesting post (here) about trimming back your news intake. Especially during the coronavirus, he argues, it is important to focus. And, so goes his article, it is hard to focus when you are bombarded with news. The antidote- less is more.

“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.”

— St. Francis de Sales

I’ve spoken with a lot of readers of the blog and listeners of the podcast (wait, you haven’t yet subscribed?) who have shared a higher level of anxiety than usual. Viruses, social unrest and an impending election will do that.

This all affects our prayer lives. You sit down to pray and your brain is flooded with distracting thoughts or worries. Or, you open your iPad and get sucked into a news article about another man shot by the police. Sadly, even our churches can breed anxiety as a homily goes off the rails into a political “grenade drop” on the congregation. (To my preaching friends, please don’t do that. There are better ways to address difficult things.)

One Strategy to Consider (but be careful)

My strategy of late- quitting time. When I’ve begun my devotions in the morning and then I can’t seem to focus, I’ve been tempted to just call it in and declare, “Sorry God, I just don’t have it today! Too much worry to let you in… maybe tomorrow will be better!” On one hand, this is an honest response to internal unease. And, some days, you just don’t have your A Game when it comes to prayer. It’s healthy to be gentle to yourself.

“We must pray incessantly for the gift of perseverance.”

— St. Philip Neri

But, and here’s the key part, there is something lacking to the approach. First, prayer is not so much about us. I know, I know- our stress levels go down and our confidence goes up when we build a life of prayer. We need to pray. It’s part of being human and becoming holy. But, God doesn’t need our prayers and more of our prayer should be about God than about us. More praise, less petition. More listening, less speaking.

Secondly, I invite all of us to an earnest inventory of what we let into our noggins prior to praying. Newport is on to something here- garbage in, garbage out. I realized that the days when I’m more likely to call it in are the days when I allowed myself to read a negative news story before I prayed. I need to be disciplined and go for the Word prior to typing in the URL to CNN. In other words- don’t spoil the entree by eating too many appetizers.

Quitting time isn’t the answer. A more disciplined front door to our minds is. This will in turn lead to a more fruitful prayer life.

Prayer Weeds

Weeds are a problem.

I recently hired some men to remove weeds from underneath my deck. The weeds had begun growing several feet, from the ground up and through the bottom of the deck. They had also begun to surround the deck, creeping up and around the edges and sides.

Not pretty.

The solution was clear: pull them out and kill them. No trimming was necessary. No clipping would do. Removal was the answer.

In Episode 6 of my podcast, Pausing for Prayer, I talked with Fr. Daniel O’Mullane, a pastor in New Jersey. We talked about spiritual dryness during prayer. I was asking partly for my audience but also for myself. I wanted to know more about the dynamics of dryness.

The saints knew much about this reality. St. Alphonsus Liguori said this, “This, then, is your answer whenever you feel tempted to stop praying because it seems to be a waste of time: ‘I am here to please God.’ ”  Spiritual dryness can tempt us to avoid prayer, rush through it or resent it. Our frailty makes it hard to lovingly “push through” these times and yet, that’s what we are to do.

Back to the weeds.

“I am here to please God.”

— St. Alphonsus Liguori

I was noticing lately that my dryness was back. After a few weeks, I realized something important- some weeds had grown up in my morning prayer time and I was preferring them over the Lord Himself. Let me explain.

I will typically begin prayer with the Angelus followed by the reading of the day’s Gospel. From there, I will read a half a dozen Christian blogs and websites. What I realized was that I was breezing through the Bible reading and really desiring the blog and website reading.

When those were unsatisfying, I would mistakenly feel as if my morning prayer time was poor. This continued day after day. Finally I just blurted out to the Lord, “Can I just enjoy a quiet time already?”

The weeds needed to be removed. The Word was taking a back seat to the latest Christian news headline. I needed to choose the best wine, not just the cheap stuff in a box.

What weeds exist in your prayer life? What are you noticing that pulls you away from real prayer and time with the Word? How can you ask the Lord to refocus your time on Him and then find joy once again in prayer?

—

P.S. as you can see, my deck now looks much better!

My Personal Credo

The 7 Statements That Guide my Day

Several years ago I came across author Gretchen Rubin’s idea of having a personal set of “Commandments”. She discovered these over the course of several years and they seemed to provide a sort of framework for how she wanted to live.

“The nation doesn’t simply need what we have. It needs what we are.”

— Edith Stein (St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross)

My first thought was, “that’s so nice for Gretchen but I don’t have a list and I am a Christian so that’s not possible for me.” Having the Ten Commandments and a dearth of Church teaching in the background felt like ‘enough’. Two other complications influenced my delay- I’m Catholic and a recovering perfectionist.

First, the Catholic part. You see, Catholics aren’t quick when it comes to making things up. We rely on the past, on precedent and on foundations of philosophy and theology. Making things up feels like something that other spiritual traditions do. As a result, this mindset (which isn’t always helpful) can delay innovation and stifle creativity.

As for the perfectionist part, this is a habit that can prevent action. Wanting to get things “just right”, the recovering perfectionist puts off doing things that seem scary. This was certainly the case for me, procrastinating my own creation of a personal list of commandments.

What finally prompted me to sit down and create my list? 

Instability. In the summer of 2019, my family faced the real prospect of selling our home of 12 years in New Jersey and finding a new house in Bethlehem, PA. While only an hour west of us, this move brought with it a wave of uncertainties. Which house could we buy? Where would the kids go to school? Which church would we join?

The stress that comes with a house move is heavy. It certainly was for us as the time felt like it was slipping away. One house wasn’t selling and deadlines were approaching. It didn’t feel good and everything was up in the air.

Out of this came a strong desire for an anchor. While my morning prayer time was stable, I felt called to add a component- my own list of personal commandments. I remembered Rubin’s list and figured this was the time for me to put pen to paper.

Over the course of several weeks, the following list emerged and it’s stuck with me ever since:

• Be kind to yourself- I’ll choose to not beat myself up or be overly critical.

• Do your thing- I’ll choose to work hard and avoid worrying about what others might think.

• Forward in goodness- I’ll choose to assume the good in others.

• Choose happiness- I’ll choose to do things that contribute to a happy and holy life.

• It’s ok to linger- I’ll choose to stay with conversations and people for a bit longer than usual, avoiding rushing along.

• Imperfection doesn’t have to overwhelm- I’ll choose to find the good in other people and in imperfect situations.

• Find your strength- I’ll choose to be direct, confident and strong.

How do I Use the Commandments?

“You cannot be half a saint; you must be a whole saint or no saint at all.”

— St. Therese of Lisieux

Quite simply, I read these commandments every day during my quiet time. By reading them and then pondering their meaning, they get seared into my brain. It’s always surprising, in a good way, when one of the statements comes back to me in the course of a busy day. I’ll be tempted to finish a conversation and move on to the next thing and then I’ll remember, “it’s ok to linger”. I might stay with that conversation for one more question and enjoy the other person’s company all the more.

Or, I might be tempted to get frustrated when a project isn’t moving as quickly as I would like. I’ll remember, “imperfection doesn’t have to overwhelm”. Then, my entire mindset might change, giving myself permission to keep working amidst a slow-moving project.

What Effect Have they Had?

The commandments were uncovered and represent thoughts and concepts formed over many years. As a result, each one has tremendous meaning for me. When I read them each morning, they give me confidence and remind me that God wants a holy, happy and whole life for me. Each statement builds towards that. I’ve reviewed them with my spiritual director and gotten feedback on them. It sounds trite but I can say with confidence- they work for me.

How Can You Create Your Own List?

I have discovered seven commandments but you might have more or less. I would suggest asking God to show you concepts that are important to you and you alone. Write them down, sit with them and then revisit them a few days later. Your list may grow or become smaller over time. Let God do the revealing.

The hardest part will be to start and put thought to paper. Let God do the rest.

Get your copy of Pausing for Prayer today!

Prayer for When You Worry

Worry is both inexpensive and expensive at the same time.

It comes in all shapes and sizes. You can worry about your future or about the next five minutes. It’s extremely elastic and will take up as much space as you give it.

Part of the current explosion of anxiety is connected with worry. The more I spend time on social media, the more I might be vulnerable to worrying about my body image, 401K or where my neighbors are on vacation.  It’s no secret that more social media leads to more worry which expands into a general, persistent sense of anxiety.

“But I’m a worrywart,” you say in your defense. I get it, I really do. If there’s an achilles heal of my own spiritual journey, it’s tied to worrying. I’m what you call a reverse worrier. Instead of worrying about my salvation, my future or my success, I worry in reverse order:

• Am I spending the next morning correctly?

• Am I spending the next hour responsibly?

• Am I spending the next minute properly?

While this can seem at first like scrupulosity, it’s actually different. Scrupulosity is about pride and over-inflating small things. While worrying about the use of a half hour can appear to be scrupulous (and at times it can be), it’s actually different. It’s a sense of anxiety in the event that things are amiss.  In this way, my style of worry isn’t usually about what I’m doing but about what others are doing (or not doing) or how others might perceive what I’m doing.

Anyways, enough about me- how about you? To what degree are you a worrier?

I assume that you worry about some things, right? No one is completely immune from worry. Whether it’s your children, your home or a natural disaster, there is plenty to be concerned with on Planet Earth. 

This is a key distinction- concern vs. worry. Concern is rooted in charity. It’s good to be concerned with the wellbeing of others.

Worry though, this is another thing. Like a weed in your flower bed, worry can grow. It can take over your inner peace if you let it. I suppose this is why Jesus speaks so strongly against worry and in favor of trusting in God:

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:31-34

The Old Testament prophets, Psalms and New Testament epistles are full of passages  countering worry. The throughline is this: worry less, trust God more.

The saints have plenty to say as well regarding worry. St. Francis de Sales has a particularly haunting admonishment, “Anxiety is the greatest evil that can befall a soul, except sin. God commands you to pray, but He forbids you to worry.”

Forbids-you-to-worry... those are fighting words in the spiritual life. Francis de Sales dropped the mic on the head of worry. When you put the Scriptures together with the Tradition of the Church, the message is clear- worry should have no place in the life of the disciple.

Ok easier said than done.

Let’s be practical. When you move through your week and something worry-producing pops up, what should you do? 

1. Remember the words of Jesus. “Do not worry...” Let’s not brush off the Lord’s words. He is clear. Do not worry. He’s got this. Whatever “this” is, He’s got this.

2. Put thoughts in their place. Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean it has to take hold of you. You have a fleeting thought about the size of your retirement funds. Now you can acknowledge the thought and either a). Obsess over it and worry and become more anxious or b). Dismiss the thought as irrelevant to your situation or c). Do something about it.  Thoughts are thoughts. They don’t have to take over your life.

As you go through your week, be mindful of the words of Christ, “What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.” Jesus knows what you need and what you want in life. It’s our role to trust Him as He provides for these things.

Tell God What’s On Your Mind

We sat in the car, driving along route 22 in Pennsylvania. It had been a long week and I wasn’t sure if my son had had a particularly good one. With a new school  and having to make new friends, I wondered how everything was going.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I said.

And the rest just flowed. We talked about new friends and old, about navigating a new school building and about what kids were like. The conversation didn’t last long but it was just what the doctor ordered. The father-son “pulse check” was complete.

This is a strategy we can also use in prayer.

By starting our prayer time with a personal inventory, a sort of check-in, we are laying it all out there for the Lord. Sometimes we feel a certain way and that bleeds into our devotional time. I find that telling God what’s on our mind is just as valuable. 

The end-of-day Ignatian examen is a genius way to complete the day. Let’s not ignore the power of the start of our day and the many things on our minds at that time of the day.

When you take stock of your thoughts, you accomplish three things:

1. You become aware. By sharing your thoughts with God, you are then more mindful of what’s bothering you, what preoccupies you and what is lingering in your head.

2. You become grateful. We are so fortunate to have a God who wants to know us personally. He wants us to share what we are thinking and feeling. This produces gratefulness. We are not alone.

3. You learn to surrender. Sometimes, our thoughts are quite strong. At other times, we can just let them go and move on. In either case, we learn to offer up to the Lord what we carry into prayer.

After all, what we are thinking is often what we are feeling.

As an example, I might say, “God I’m thinking about the day ahead and I have some anxiety...” Or, how about, “Lord I’m thinking of my mom’s friend who is very sick.” Both examples are on my heart (feelings) but also on my mind (thoughts).

The Bible isn’t absent on this point. Romans 12:2 speaks of this feeling-thought dynamic:

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

The process of renewing our thoughts takes practice. Many of us, I’m speaking from experience, can let thought patterns develop over decades. These are hard to change. What I’ve found, with years of practice, is that a daily sharing with God of what I’m thinking is the best remedy for unhealthy thoughts.

I realized in my late thirties that I had a very primitive view of God. He was the professor grading my life with a red pen. I could never measure up to His high standard. This thought pattern took years to unearth. Thankfully, it only took a few years to reshape.

Saint Teresa of Avila also speaks to this. She says, “It isn’t good to let our thoughts disturb us or worry us at all.”  St. Thomas More contributes this advice, “Occupy your minds with good thoughts, or the enemy will fill them with bad ones. Unoccupied, they cannot be.”

Our thoughts matter to God. Why not begin each day’s devotions with a sharing of them with the Lord?